Seven Biblical Principles of Unity--#2

The Tools of Unity: Words that Build Up and Give Grace

Ephesians 4:29 (RSV): Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is useful for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.

“Evil talk” is the RSV translation. The NIV says “unwholesome talk;” the NLT says “abusive language;” and other versions say “corrupting talk,” “foul language,” “filthy talk,” “hateful words” – basically useless talk that is harmful in some way.

One obvious application of this verse is Gossip—idle talk or rumor, especially about the private affairs of others. Gossip often implies the spreading of dirt and misinformation (especially if scandal is involved).

A second, less obvious application is Opinion. Wikipedia, the online Dictionary, says, ”In general, an opinion is a judgment, viewpoint, or statement about matters commonly considered to be subjective, i.e. based on that which is less than absolutely certain, and is the result of emotion or interpretation of facts. What distinguishes fact from opinion is that facts are verifiable, i.e. can be objectively proven to have occurred.”

We love our opinions! And we all have a right to our opinions; but none of us is obligated to share them. By Definition, “opinion” is an unproven idea. We cling to our “opinions”; we treasure them and defend them; but, opinion doesn’t necessarily serve truth, and by practical observation, “opinions” have very little intrinsic value. In fact, all too often, opinions are divisive.

We have become a script culture: “Talk is cheap.” “If you really mean something, write it down.” Will Rogers said, “The only thing I know is what I read in the newspaper.” (I wonder what he’d say about today’s “news” media, much of which carries more opinion and commentary than the simple reporting of news.)

And in our script culture we devalue verbalization: “Show me a picture.” “I’d rather see a sermon than hear one, any day.”

But if you think words aren’t important, spend an hour with a middle school child who’s been called names at school. “Sticks and stones may break my bones; but words will never hurt me.” That’s a lie.

Words are important. Words can build up or tear down. Jesus said, “…by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:37 NIV).

Let’s review the text again: “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.”

In this verse I find four litmus tests by which we can judge the use of our own words—four ways to help “the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable to (God), our strength and our redeemer” (Psalm 19:14 KJV).

(1) Is it useful? One of my primary social incompetencies is that I don’t like small talk. I’m not good at it. No, I’m not suggesting that every conversation should have some deep significance. There’s value in chatting with a friend over lunch. It has a purpose: it shares information of mutual interest, it is a part of living within a relationship.

But the writer of Ephesians qualifies the usefulness of our words: are they “useful for edifying?” (2) Do our words Build Up? Do they make things better?

Once again, I’m not calling for sugar-coating every conversation or avoiding controversy and disagreement. There are valid times for constructive criticism. Constructive. And whether a criticism is received as constructive probably has more to do with how it’s presented than with what is said. Does it build up?

And there are valid times for debate. Disagreement is not, in itself, a bad thing; but in the midst of disagreement, words that are useful for building up are aimed at working together to discover a resolution that meets everybody’s needs (not necessarily everybody’s preferences). Words used to “win the fight” will never build up. Does it build up?

And the writer of Ephesians continues in his cumulative construction: (3) do our words “fit the occasion?"  The Amplified New Testament puts it, "as is fitting to the need and the occasion..." The New American Standard Bible says, "according to the need of the moment..." In other words, is what we are about to say necessary? Will it benefit the situation?

Which brings me back to “opinion.” Yes, we have a right to hold and to share our opinion; but is there a need for it? Will it be useful? Will it build up? Whatever our intentions may be in any situation, the words we choose will have one of three effects:

They may be effective (sometimes the most effective way to respond is simply not to respond. Let it go.) Will it be useful for building up as there is need?

They may be Ineffective. Will our words prolong the need?

They may be Counterproductive. Will our words make things worse?

The text has one final litmus: Will our words (4) give grace to those who hear? 17^th century poet, François Fénelon, wrote, "Learn to imitate Him who reproves gently..."

Grace is more than passive refusal to condemn. Grace doesn’t let someone “get away with something.” That’s not grace; it’s permissiveness.

In permissiveness, something is overlooked; in grace, something is overcome—something is transformed. Grace occurs in spite of separation and estrangement. Henry David Thoreau said most men live lives of “quiet desperation.” Grace transforms quiet desperation into bold determination, fate into meaningful destiny, guilt into confidence and courage. There’s something triumphant in the word, Grace.

And our text calls us to let our words be “useful for edifying, as fits the occasion, so that (our) words may give grace to those who hear.”

While I haven’t been active for a few years, I have been strengthened by my association with Rotary International. Rotarians are guided by what we call a “Four-Way Test" of the things we think, say or do. It’s an ethical code for personal and business relationships. 

1. Is it the truth?

2. Is it fair to all concerned?

3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships?

4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned? 

In the work and fellowship of Rotary we attempt to sift what we do and say through the sieve of these four questions and, if the answer to any of the four is "No," then it probably doesn't need to be said. I see a connection between the “Four Way Test” and this verse from Ephesians. And in the three local Rotary clubs in which I have participated I have experienced more unity than in most of the churches I served over the past fifty years.

When faithfully used, these tools of unity are quite effective.

And that’s how I see it through the flawed glass that is my world view.

Together in the Walk,

Jim